My Sweet Escape

WARNING: This post may be very long, and deep and sometimes just contain different paragraphs that are not at all related. So if you're looking for the funny things that are happening in my life currently, I'm sorry but I will not provide it now.


Before high school, I've always known it in my heart that writing was my destiny, my calling. It was my joy and I had already accepted that. But the only problem was that whenever I had a plot running through my head, and I start to write it, another BRILLIANT idea pops in my head and I start to do that. I had no patience to write novels. I didn't know that, though. In my head I was a brilliant writer.

But then, I realized while trying to finish a novel that I didn't enjoy it anymore. Writing long stories did not make me happy. It was like I was forcing myself to finish it. And for what? Just so I could be like my sisters? So I know what they feel like when they finish a story? Well, I highly doubted that this is what they felt like. Forced and uninspired. And so I decided to stop.

In that time where I was convinced I had no hobbies or skills at all,  I wondered, if writing wasn't my identity, then who am I? Because that who I was in every grade in grade school. The writer who never finishes a novel. My identity, I willingly let it go just because I wasn't happy. Should I have kept writing? Did I make the wrong choice?

So what did I do next? I experimented. For a while, I tried writing short stories. I wrote about little tales of an average human being. And in that short while, I felt bliss. I enjoyed it. But then, after a few months, I got that feeling again. That nagging voice inside my head saying "NO NO NO."  And I quit, yet again.

I felt like a loser. I probably didn't show it, but I felt it inside of me. I had again given up on something I was good at. I was a quitter and I hated quitters. So I hated myself a little. Not to the point that I cried about it, but in a mild way, like scolding yourself all the time. Something like "You lazy person! What are you doing with your life? "

And then my brother went to study architecture. That's when my eyes opened to a new world of possibilities. He showed me what he learned from school, he became my teacher and when I drew, he gave my tips on how I could improve it.

Then and there, I knew this is what I want to do. I didn't want to be the one typing the words and making it, I wanted to be the one to make it into pictures. I loved it. So I continued developing my style, trying new forms of art, and generally doing something new. I'm happy.

Up until now, I have been constantly trying to improve. And I'm happy with that. I love it when people see my art and critique it, just to see what areas I should improve on.

Though through all of this, I have learned on thing. You have to try new things. This is the only way to find out who you really are and what you want to do. Life is just one big trial and error equation. If you try one thing and you don't get the correct answer, try the next choice. Basically, you just try and try until you succeed.

And that is all I wanted to say.