My Sweet Escape

WARNING: This post may be very long, and deep and sometimes just contain different paragraphs that are not at all related. So if you're looking for the funny things that are happening in my life currently, I'm sorry but I will not provide it now.


Before high school, I've always known it in my heart that writing was my destiny, my calling. It was my joy and I had already accepted that. But the only problem was that whenever I had a plot running through my head, and I start to write it, another BRILLIANT idea pops in my head and I start to do that. I had no patience to write novels. I didn't know that, though. In my head I was a brilliant writer.

But then, I realized while trying to finish a novel that I didn't enjoy it anymore. Writing long stories did not make me happy. It was like I was forcing myself to finish it. And for what? Just so I could be like my sisters? So I know what they feel like when they finish a story? Well, I highly doubted that this is what they felt like. Forced and uninspired. And so I decided to stop.

In that time where I was convinced I had no hobbies or skills at all,  I wondered, if writing wasn't my identity, then who am I? Because that who I was in every grade in grade school. The writer who never finishes a novel. My identity, I willingly let it go just because I wasn't happy. Should I have kept writing? Did I make the wrong choice?

So what did I do next? I experimented. For a while, I tried writing short stories. I wrote about little tales of an average human being. And in that short while, I felt bliss. I enjoyed it. But then, after a few months, I got that feeling again. That nagging voice inside my head saying "NO NO NO."  And I quit, yet again.

I felt like a loser. I probably didn't show it, but I felt it inside of me. I had again given up on something I was good at. I was a quitter and I hated quitters. So I hated myself a little. Not to the point that I cried about it, but in a mild way, like scolding yourself all the time. Something like "You lazy person! What are you doing with your life? "

And then my brother went to study architecture. That's when my eyes opened to a new world of possibilities. He showed me what he learned from school, he became my teacher and when I drew, he gave my tips on how I could improve it.

Then and there, I knew this is what I want to do. I didn't want to be the one typing the words and making it, I wanted to be the one to make it into pictures. I loved it. So I continued developing my style, trying new forms of art, and generally doing something new. I'm happy.

Up until now, I have been constantly trying to improve. And I'm happy with that. I love it when people see my art and critique it, just to see what areas I should improve on.

Though through all of this, I have learned on thing. You have to try new things. This is the only way to find out who you really are and what you want to do. Life is just one big trial and error equation. If you try one thing and you don't get the correct answer, try the next choice. Basically, you just try and try until you succeed.

And that is all I wanted to say.

What My Not-So Secret Santa Should Give Me

SO it's November, and y'all know what that means? IT'S ALMOST DECEMBER! Well, if you didn't know that, well you're probably stupid and have poo brain. Sorry. Anyway, to celebrate the joyous occasion which is Christmas, our family has a yearly Kris Kringle in which we all participate in. 

For those of you who are now wondering what in the world is Kris Kringle, it is a game in wherein you have to put the names of the participants in a bowl, then one of you each gets to pick a name. Every participant has to release their wishlist for the person's Secret Santa (the person who picked you). Then on Christmas day, you reveal who you got. 

Though this year I already know who got me. She revealed it to me willingly. Why? I don't know, she's crazy. 

So for those out there who want to give me presents, here is a list for you. I'm going to be honest and say that I will not guarantee full happiness unless you give me these things. Sorry. It may be rude, but it's even ruder if I accept the gift a person gives me and never use it. I'm saying these things for your own good. 

1) A set of Uni Pins (black)  

Why? BECAUSE WE HAVE A SURPRISINGLY SMALL AMOUNT OF INKING PENS AT HOME.  Please put the pens inside a pencil case or put a ribbon to tie it all up together. Thanks. 

2) One Drawing a Day by Veronica Lawlor

I saw this in National Bookstore when we went to the Warehouse Sale in Quezon Ave. and I didn't buy it because it wasn't on sale. And let's face it, a little expensive. Again this is one of the gifts that one would give me if the REALLY REALLY REALLY love me. But art instructional books are also okay for me. Specifically watercolor books

3) The Fashion Illustration book from our school library

Okay, I don't know who the author is or what the real name is. Ask my sister for details. (Ate Roselle) 

And that's pretty much it! I don't ask for a lot, but I really do want these things.i don't want clothes because I have too much. Yeah. 

I can't wait for Christmas! 35 days to go!

Diary? Journal? Whatever, I have tea.

So what is my blog anyway? 

I actually don't know why I created a blog. When my sister created one, it looked like a floozy of fun. And yes, I invented a word. What of it?  But now that I'm here, typing these random words, I'm not sure what I'm doing. 

I could ramble on about my life. Though, the most interesting fact about me is that I live with five sisters and four brothers and that I love art. WHOO WHAT AN INTERESTING LIFE. And of course I know a floozy of you people out there would not like another whiny 14- year- old complaining about their teenage lives.

I could make it an art blog. But then, I have deviantart for that. (ADVERTISING MY ART HERE.) Besides, I wouldn't like talk and talk about what inspired me about that certain art or what the symbolism is, blah blah blah. I paint/draw thing just because I WANT TO.  Though I really want people to relate with my art, I don't think this is the proper way. I don't want to think for my viewers, I want them to interpret it themselves. Again, I am rambling on. Sorry.

I could make it a place to jut down my random antics everyday. Though it may not show through my writing, I am a weird, loud, hyper, and over the top person. I tend to say or do things that normal people just don't do very often. Like three days ago, I created a shampoo commercial that dergrades every woman in this planet. But then that's why people made Twitter. And we all know we hate people who constantly say "HEY! I'M EATING/USING THE COMPUTER/ TAKING A BATH #lol" Yes, like anybody would benefit from that. Anybody except stalkers. *shivers*

As much as I want to list down all the probable purposes of my blog, (and I don't) I have to finish up a drawing. And I don't want to continue it tomorrow because I have school. And, yes, I DO want to learn. I am not the type of person to doodle while I'm in classes. Though my grades tell me the opposite. Anyway, what to do with my blog? Well, let's just say I'll go where the wind blows. That did not make any sense, but what the heck. So generally, I'll just blog about whatever crosses my mind. 

AND A NOTE: I cannot guarantee an update every once in a while. I might even forget I had this blog. That's why I have a sister to tell me to write in my blog, and I know she's reading this right now, and I know she WILL remind me. Because she loves me that way. Anyway, goodbye blogles! (blog+people= blogles) 

OKAY BYE.